You certainly have a full schedule caring for yourself and your predicament, Ronni, and are fortunate that you/we now can access teams of caregivers from outside of our families.

Matrilineally, in our family, my grandmother cared for her mother who had previously cared for her mother. (My great-great-great grandmother had died prior to my birth, so I don't know how she fared. One brother cared for his wife for the last year, until her last month. At that time, our mother flew out to help care for my SIL. Otherwise, our family members have been fortunate enough that they have not had a lingering illness/incapacity. Oops! I failed to recall that my mother cared for my father for the last few weeks of his life. He could not have had a better caregiver.

Your talent for expression is such a gift. Thank you for putting your experience into words for those of us who cannot.

I didn't realize the amount of time consuming, mind consuming self care you need to do each day, it's really a mountain! Wish you had a care elf to hand you the right thing at the right moment, including your coffee. Totally understand how you could lose faith that you'll know the right moment to move on, but I really believe you will. Have seen many animals come to that moment, and, as we're learning, (the ancient spiritual masters, and many indigenous people have known forever, but not us) we too are animal/plant/mineral. Thanks, again, for your honesty..............it's helping, and will help a lot of others.

Dear Ronni,

I absolutely do believe you will know when it is time. Since you don't know yet, it's not time. Also I think busyness and that choice are on opposite ends of a spectrum. When you no longer have the strength or the will to continue to do your days as you are now doing them, then that seems like it will be a decision point. I just don't think you should make the decision before 2 in the afternoon!

As always, I am sending you love, clarity, patience, and joy. And my gratitude.

Thank you so much for writing all thise out when you're tired. I do appreciate your effort. I'll save this blog post.

I see my gerontologist every three months and my vital numbers have remained fairly constant. Not 100%, but within an acceptable range. However, this year, the year I turned 75, my usually steady stats have become a bit wobbly. The BP is up, my kidneys aren't doing that well and I'm retaining water like a reservoir. For the first time in my life I feel I'm heading downhill. Fortunately, my heart and lungs work well so I don't anticipate the end will be sudden or unexpected. But, who knows? I, like you, would like to go when I'm ready and I hope when that time comes, the state I live in will allow me to do that.

The blog is important. We all read it. In my case, first thing in the morning (I'm in Bremerton). I take all my pills in the morning and before bed. I notice more changes, not good, since I turned 72. Time is running, not out yet. As I tell my listeners, I have anywhere from 20 mins. to 20 years. Oh well. Life was fun and I locked in many good memories. Declining health and maintaining your blog, Ronnie, is commendable. I guess it is well that you have done writing for so long, it may make these final months easier. I now know why we all retired, some sooner that later. We need time for all these stupid pills and the doctor appointments! B

It seems to me that you are not close to ready. You get enjoyment from a bunch of things....this blog, talking on the phone to your NY friends (there is nothing like NY friends). I too lived 65 years in NY....now in Vermont...I can’t find people to laugh with. Maybe when you can’t get the mail anymore you will start to think about the end of the last chapter. But now.....you are more alive than some that are not even sick. I too, feel certain you will know. You are very self sufficient...I believe you will be for quite awhile.

Thank you for these posts. I have been a reader since your NY days and consider you a friend altho I rarely post. I appreciate your great research on many topics over the years and even now as you give us so much to think about. Peace to you my amazing friend.

Fortunate are those who have family or friends living nearby and able to provide assistance as might be needed. Anticipating this sort of help if needed would not be available to me, so my considerations of the pros and cons for choosing to live in place in my home included that scenario. The last time I had been ill when single and living alone was when i was in my twenties. The next time decades later after my husband’s death I remember well my feelings and thoughts when i became quite ill for a few days in bed at home, barely able to get to the bathroom but not the kitchen one day.

I keep reminding myself and reassuring my children who live across the country from me this is a grand experiment from which I learn when unexpected circumstances arise with which I must cope. I don't want to move back to snow country though they invite me to do so. Since Covid-19 I’ve also told my children should I become ill they are not to fly out here — I’ll pull through or I won’t, but I don't wat to jeopardize their family health. Whatever happens to me, will happen and I’ll do the best I can to care for myself in the meantime.

Recent years, at an age younger than I expected, I’ve had increased occasions when I’ve been challenged to stay at home, avoiding the ER. I’ve had to adapt using telemed on a couple occasions, also using home health services once for a period of time. Too many chores are not getting done but the woman who came to help but only one time decided she was going to cease working in people’s home when the area virus spread worsened.

I’ve been forced to realistically recognize and accept my limitations, reassess what is really important for my own peace of mind instead of fretting over what I can’t do. Getting adequate sleep, even with an occasional daytime nap if necessary, is a top priority. Eating adequately, drinking lots of water, and keeping bodily functions regular is vital. I note many tasks takes so much longer than they use to and some just have to be postponed and even eliminated.

I’m not facing a medical diagnosis or respiratory problem as you are, Ronni, but I do identify with decreased endurance and have had to face pain, mobility limitations. Meal preparation is not a pleasure so I’ve welcomed microwavable fresh and frozen meals, soups. Items for ordering on the internet for delivery, pickup are a boon. I guess I’m fortunate these services are all available at this time in my mid-eighth decade.

I wish you continued satisfaction in what you can do, guilt-free acceptance of what you can’t, adequate sleep, pain free days and nights, the joy of friends interactions, and the delight of doing what gives you pleasure even if it consists of doing nothing for a time.

Late as usual so why repeat the eloquent and relevant comments already submitted by TGB readers?! Am I lazy at times? Of course!

Thank you for the time you set aside everyday to give strength, knowledge and comfort to others through your writing. It is most appreciated. From me to you, love.

Thank you for your raw honesty about the realities of eldership and hospice placement. How wonderful is the hospice care since most of us no longer live in multigenerational settings.

I greatly appreciate your frankness and realize that this is a possible future for many of us. I do believe that we have insight about the "right moment" for key times in our life and have every confidence that you also will KNOW when that time is right.

Roberta's comment: "When the time comes, go in peace, knowing you have made such a difference in the life of others." I hope that knowing that you've helped so many of us brings you satisfaction, for it is so true. It remains amazing to me that you are still sharing so much of yourself and your experiences with us. Immense gratitude.

My only experience with Medical Assistance In Dying is with a dog. It is totally acceptable to choose the time of death for a pet, but actually choosing the right time is hard. I know people who say it was a very clear choice at the time, but my experience is otherwise and I still hold a bit of guilt for choosing the "wrong" time. For some, choosing the right time for MAID will be easy, but for others, not so much. I hope it will be easy for you.

"There is hardly any time left for me to just be."

That's what we miss when we're still working, too!

Once again you've nailed it, and once again you're breaking trail for us, Ronni. I had never really thought about how, in a day of serious illness, there could still be a window of time fit to think and write and communicate in—the things I too have lived for—if the body's needs were cared for methodically, matter-of-factly, and compassionately.

Just a guess, but I bet they're right that you'll know when it's time, and the fact that you think it will be hard to know means it's not time yet.

I can't imagine how you or anyone makes the decision that "it's time". Is there always one more thing to read, one more event to watch ( like the election and subsequent actions), one more article to write, one more person to talk to, one more sunset, one more starry night, one more birdsong to hear, one more task to do or just one more hour to hold on to? Or does the next thing become so unimportant that saying goodbye is easy? I wonder. And I wish that once you are gone, you could come back and tell me.